Official Report: Bert and Ernie


A few days ago the Library announced its first statement regarding the capture of the celebrity monster fugitives: Bert and Ernie.

Today The Library of Living Monsters is pleased to present you with the official story of the arrest and finding.

What follows bellow is a true account.

Since 1969 the library has chased the pair known as Bert and Ernie. Their attitude to monster human segregation and the unwritten rules of monster kind was insult not only to the Library but to all living monsters everywhere. Where others hid in the shadows of castles, dwelling in haunted houses or under beds. This pair flaunted themselves on national television, each and every morning. Seamlessly unopposed they would attempt to corrupt children, sometimes whole groups at a time. Hypnotizing them with their use of simplistic spelling and rubber ducks.

This went on for years.

The pair grew with wealth and power each decade, to the point where they were considered a treasured couple of television history.

Little did people realize the true nature of the pair behind the scenes.

These shots show Bert and Ernie stood outside their mansion casting spells over the innocent towns people bellow.

Bert and Ernie

Bert and Ernie outside their mansion casting evil spells

Actions like these went un-investigated by local authorities. The Library of Living Monsters knew of these attacks and were investigating them with severe caution and interest. The Library knew only to attack when the pair slipped up; they were too strong for an all-out assault.

Here are several details from surveillance reports that show the true nature of the pair and offer an insight into the duos haunting and cruel lifestyles.

One report stated that the pair liked to hypnotize visitors of their TV show and keep them as slaves. It further states that they would make these “slaves” carry them around everywhere they wanted to go.

Slaves carrying the pair

Hypnotized members of the public, forced to carry the duo around everywhere

Another report by the Library’s Curator tells of how the duo would go to local parks and scare passersby by removing body parts and jumping out from behind trees.

Bert and Ernie in a park

Bert removes his head preparing to scare passersby. Ernie laughing.

Finally, due to a tip off from a brave neighbour the Library was made aware that the pair would be spending Halloween away at their farm. The secluded area was perfect for the surprise arrest we here had been waiting for. Carefully the curators present waited for the perfect moment to strike and when the evil duo seemed to be preparing to drive their tractor, the curators did just that.

Here is a photo of the pair following the arrest. As you can see, when they realized their reign of terror had come to an end they began to beg for forgiveness.

A job well done by the brave curators of the Library, our thanks are with them.

Following the arrest the pair began to cry

Bert & Ernie following the realization of their arrest, began to wail for forgiveness.